John Green and the Kool-Aid Drinkers
by TemptressOfTheSouthernIsles
Summary: Augustus doesn't know what to expect when middle-aged hottie, John Green, shows up on his doorstep and turns his life around. Fluff with an easy-to-follow plotline.


I do not own the rights to this book, obviously. The character in this fanfiction, John Green, is an original character, and any similarities to somebody real is purely coincidental.

* * *

Augustus Waters sat on the back porch of his house. It was late afternoon on a worn-down summer day. The tulips in his yard were in full bloom, and the grass was trimmed, emanating a freshly cut scent. His malnourished chest was pale and sagged in the sunlight. His missing leg stump looked like a pound of Play-Dough fashioned by the nimble fingers of a blind child.

"I will most ardently strive to have a pleasurable excursion this evening," Gus muttered to himself. "Shall I call my love, Hazel?"

There was nobody around to hear him. Knowing his parents were at a movie, he paused and quietly added, "Or maybe I'm in the mood for a _man_."

He scrolled through the contacts on his iPhone's list and found the name "John Green".

"Funny," Gus said. "I'm afraid I don't recognize that bland name. Perhaps he's from Grindr, the social application where I scavenge for male hookups."

Gus clicked John Green's contact info, and a picture of a slightly overweight thirty-something year old man with ruffled brown hair and slanted glasses appeared. He was wearing a red European football jersey in front of a bookshelf over some green wallpaper. Gus felt instant pleasure.

"Oh fuck," Gus whispered. "That's the hottest guy I've seen since Patrick Swizzle in _Dirty Dancin'_."

He called John Green.

John Green answered on the other end of the line. "Hello?" John asked.

His voice was silky and smooth like a warm mug of buttermilk, and Gus licked his chapped lips at the sound of it.

"Hey," Gus said. "I need a favor."

"And who is this?" John Green teased. Gus could tell that John Green was probably twirling the phone cord with his hand rested on his hip, blushing.

Gus smirked. "You'l find out. Come over."

"But I don't even know who this is," John Green said in a hesitant voice.

"It's a surprise, bad boy," Gus said, biting his lip. He gripped the ledge of the porch. He was almost unable to contain his sexual frustration.

"Alright, smart guy, listen up," John Green said. "If I don't know who you are, how can I just 'come over', as you say it?"

"Just come over," Gus said. He hung up and then went inside for a glass of orange juice. Then, he went downstairs to his bedroom, where he strutted in front of his mirror and buttoned on a long-sleeved silk dark-blue shirt that he bought in Amsterdam with Hazel. His jeans were pale-washed and snuggly fit, looking more than decent on him.

The doorbell rang, and he dashed upstairs.

He opened the door and was nearly blown away by John Green, standing there, breathing small breathes in the doorway.

"Come on in," Gus said, snapping into reality as he opened the door wider and initiated his signature crooked grin.

"I'm glad I found you," John Green said. He wasn't moving. "I'm not going to come in. We're going to go out."

"Go out?" Gus questioned. He was accustomed to being the one sole organizer in his dates. This was something new.

"Yeah," John Green said.

They went into his Grand Marquis car, and when Gus asked, "Where are we going?", John Green replied, "It's a surprise."

"And so it is," Gus mumbled nervously.

They ended up in Old Downtown of Indianapolis, the gay scene in the city. It was nearly nighttime, and the streets were littered with gay wanderers.

"Let's go into the Awesomeness Club," John Green said. He shrugged into a cute jacket.

The Awesomeness Club was a nightclub for gays. Inside, Gus was astonished. His eyes were bright and self-aware like fetuses not yet birthed. All of the gays in the club were doing a weird Star Wars symbol with their hands. Gus attempted to do the symbol, but simply could not do it!

"This is how you do it," John Green said soothingly. Without warning, he went up behind Augustus and placed their hands together. Then, with his own soft fingers, he moved Augustus's fingers and wrists together so that they did the symbol.

Everybody around them began applauding for Gus because now he could do it. Now he could be accepted into their circle of complex thinking!

The clock struck midnight.

"Now it's time for a special treat," John Green said. He took shy Gus by the hand and led him to the stage of the club.

John Green took the microphone from the obedient DJ and said into the microphone, "Fighters of nerdom, we have a new guest tonight."

Everybody screamed, "WOOT!"

"This is August Waters, and we're going to do the _special_ toast for him."

"Yeah, wooho!"

Augustus felt his cheeks blushing like the fire of Pluto He grinned crookedly while standing on the stage, where the heavy spotlight remained on him.

"Everybody, take out your packets of dry Kool-Aid," John Green ordered into the microphone.

Everybody in the club took out weird unmarked packets of Kool-Aid.

"Now, mix the contents of the Kool-Aid into your water bottles."

Everybody followed this step.

"Now drink up," John Green said. He had his own cup, but as everybody in the crowd threw their heads back and obediently swallowed their drinks, only he and Gus remained without a liquid down their throats.

"Do we not get to drink anything?" Gus whispered humorously behind John Green's shoulder.

But suddenly, a look of darkness cascaded inside John Green's eyes as he craned his head to view Augustus. "Gus, we're going to leave now. No, we won't be drinking the Kool-Aid. Not tonight, anyway."

Gus nodded as they made their way backstage and then left through the backstage exit door.

They were on the street now. Gus looked at the nightclub, where he noticed a few loud noises could be heard. Followed by screams.

"Um, John Green?" Gus asked. "Do you hear that commotion?"

"Gus, I'm only saying this because I love you," John Green said. He pulled Gus closer to him, so that their heads were inches apart. "_Run_."

And so it was just like that. They were running. A middle-aged man, not very fit but yet strangely addicted to sports, and then an amputee. On the run.

* * *

They stopped to catch their breathe at the Fall Creek Parkway Bridge in downtown. The river below was rushing like Augustus's heart. The moonlight shone beautifully on John Green's puffing face, his hair wet and sticky from the humidity of the night. Gus made steps closer and took John Green's hand.

"John Green," Gus crooned. "Please, explain to me what's going on. I deserve an explanation."

John Green couldn't look Gus in the eyes. After an onslaught of shaky breathes, he managed to say, "She's here."

"Who?"

But Gus saw who it was before it was too late.

Hazel was at the other end of the bridge. In one hand, she held her oxygen tank. In the other hand, she held her phone, prompting Gus to realize that the buzzing in his pocket had been her attempts to contact him all night.

"It's not what it looks like!" Gus screamed, limping across the bridge, but with John Green's hand still intertwined with his own.

"Oh, really, Gus? Because it sure looks like _exactly what it is_!" she screamed back. Furiousness crackled the air like a loose spark.

"Let her go," John Green whispered. "Shes not worth it. You have me now."

"Don't believe a word he says," Hazel spoke in a loud voice. She sounded disappointed. "Don't you know who that is, Gus? That's _John Green_. He's wanted by the government for traveling across the country and organizing masses of online followers on Youtube, and then making them drink poison. He leads a _cult._"

Gus took a deep breath and looked at John Green. "Is this true?"

"She's lying! Of course not." John Green's grip tightened on Gus's.

Police lights in the distance broke the tension in the air. A helicopter spotlight shone on the pair of boys. Somewhere, a voice on a megaphone was saying, "We have you surrounded."

"Augustus, hurry! Come with me!" Hazel screamed, reaching her hand outward, although she was dozens of feet away, yelling over the rushing water below.

Gus looked at her, then back at John Green, dread clouding his indecisive eyes. "I can't just choose blindly! I love you both!"

John Green took a few steps back so that Gus was standing in the exact middle between them. "You have to choose between the two of us."

"Come this way, Gus," Hazel yelled, patting her lap. "Please! I love you!"

Gus, with water in his eyes, began to take small limps toward Hazel. However, John Green called out, "Choose me, Gus. I'll take you where living is."

Gus whipped around. "Oh god," he muttered. He then began limping to John Green.

"Gus, _no_!" Hazel screamed.

"How can I choose?" Gus yelled, slamming his prosthetic on the concrete in cadence with his speech as he glanced between the two.

"Gus, that man is a murderer. He's got nothing to do with you if you just come with me," Hazel's soft, feminine voice was reassuring.

Gus whispered, "I'm sorry," to John Green as he turned to Hazel and started limping toward her.

However, without warning, John Green reached into his cute jacket and retrieved a pistol. He shot a blank shot into the air, and then dived into the river below, letting the water lead him away from the police. Hazel, thinking the gun had shot Augustus, reached her hand forward while screaming, "AUGUSTUS!" The police that were located in the surrounding buildings, taking Hazel's sudden outburst to be the source of the gunfire, opened fire in her direction, prompting an onslaught of bullets to tear through her organs and leave holes in and out of her body. Thus exits Hazel Grace Lancaster.

The overhead helicopter landed its spotlight on Augustus, but he was sobbing in his throat and running toward Hazel. "Hazel! Hazel! No, I love you! No! Your lungs! They got your lungs!"

He cradled her in his arms like Snape on Harry Potter when he held that redhead girl. Literally it was like he had seen the movie and was just trying to copy that scene.

The rest is history. That faithful night.


End file.
